A Knight’s Tale (Or, Where Are You, David Roycroft?) – Part Two
Editor’s note: if you have not read Part One of “A Knight’s Tale,” you can find it in the archives. -VRK
Well, I got to thinking about it, and after twenty-seven years and no additional word from David Roycroft about my request for knighthood, I decided he was not going to respond. Pretty lousy thing to do, if you ask me—leaving me hanging.
But if there’s one thing I learned from the Cliff Notes of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, it’s this: you’ve got to be proactive. And if there’s one thing I learned from Jesus’ parable of the persistent widow, it’s that you’ve got to be persistent—even if you aren’t a widow, though, as in my case, you may have a widow’s peak.
All this to say, I decided to hunt down Mr. Roycroft. Find out what he’s been doing lately. How I might contact him. I thought about hiring a private investigator or calling up the BBC. But there’s something that is eminently more useful. One word, my friend: Wikipedia. I typed in the web address, hit return, and struck gold:
David Roycroft (born 1947) was a United Kingdom diplomat.
He served in the armed forces from 1968 to 1974, when he joined the Foreign and Commonwealth Office as a 2nd Secretary. In 1977 he was sent to Lisbon as 1st Secretary (Information), and in 1981 returned to London.
In July 1983 he was appointed Assistant Private Secretary to the Prince of Wales, and served until August 1986. He was attached to the Prince only in 1983-1984, and thereafter to the Prince and Princess jointly. He was also acting Private Secretary 1 April to September 1985. He left the Office of the Prince of Wales in 1986 to return to the Foreign and Commonwealth Office.
He is now Head of Corporate Affairs and Investor Relations, Pilkington Plc.
It turns out that Pilkington Plc is a major manufacturer of glass. I got on their website, www.pilkington.com, and tried to locate Mr. David Roycroft’s email address. No luck thus far. But when I find it, I will send him the following email:
From: The Associate Pastor of Student Discipleship of Grace Baptist Church, in service to H.R.H., The Prince of Peace
21st August, 2010
Dear Mr. Roycroft,
I have written to thank you for your letter of 13th June 1984 and to ask you ‘what’s the dealio?’
I presented their Royal Highnesses with a request for knighthood and would be most grateful to you for taking the trouble to expedite a response to me. Should you do so, you will have my sincere thanks and best wishes for the future.
Incidentally, my dear fellow, I have waited patiently for twenty seven years, during which time I’ve had to endure the knowledge that Elton John, Steven Spielberg, and—inexplicably—Magnus ver Magnusson (of ESPN’s World’s Strongest Man competition) have been knighted, but I have not. This, despite the fact that my original letter contained a more-than-lucid argument for my acceptance into the Order of the Garter.
As you know, good Sir, the Cold War has thawed. Sadly, relations between the United Kingdom and the United States began to cool in 1997, when your country sent us the Spice Girls. So, to put this in the language of British Pop: I’ll tell you what I want / what I really, really want:
Knight me, Mr. Roycroft. And be quick about it.
Anything else would be uncivilized.
Yours sincerely,
Mr. Vaughn Kohler, M.A., M.Div.
p.s.: Who’s next in line before me? Lady GaGa?
Posted in Just for Fun, Memoirs, Stories, and Anecdotes, Miscellaneous
