Beef, State, Love
Beef, State, Love: One Man’s Search for EMAW across Aggieville, Manhattan, and Kansas. By Vaughn Kohler. Aggieville Press, 2010. 227 pages. ISBN# 0U812RU4KSU2
Beef, State, Love is a 2010 memoir by American blogger Vaughn Kohler. The memoir chronicles the author’s trips around Manhattan, Kansas and what he discovered after eight years of living in the home of Kansas State University and wrestling with his historic allegiance to their rivals, the Jayhawks.
At 37 years old, Vaughn Kohler had almost everything he could have wanted: a great job serving a loving church, pastored by a Tom Cruise lookalike. Loyal friends that included the man who created and trademarked the phrase “Octagon of Doom.” And a pure and passionate love affair with a beautiful polish doctor who delighted in his graying hair and rapidly receding hairline.
However, he was unhappy with the tension created by the lure of the EMAW nation and often spent the night crying in embarrassment over the elevator escapades of Sherron Collins or the tweets of Tyshawn Taylor.
Kohler had quietly supported Kansas State since 2002. He showed up to so many otherwise poorly attended games at Bramlage Coliseum—during the Jim Wooldridge years—that he earned the respect of legendary message board poster ksu_fan, who once said, “he’s a better fan than most k-state fans.”
In the midst of the 2009-10 Elite Eight season for KSU, however, he found himself openly and enthusiastically rooting for Denis and Jake and the Wildcats, and even secretly hoping that they would win the Big 12.
While living in Manhattan, he fell in love with the Wabash Cannonball, Kites, Bluestem Bistro, and all things purple. And, he met many quality adults and students: Ron, a C.S. Lewis scholar with a Beatles haircut. Goofy Fred, an Aggieville regular who does a great karaoke of Michael Jackson’s Billy Jean. And Laci, a sweet and spiritually-hungry Classy Cat who invited him to a Halloween party—which he, wisely, did not attend.
Beef, State, Love is ultimately about one man’s spiritual, moral, and emotional battle to prefer the beef of Manhattan to the tofu of Lawrence, the Wildcats of “State,” to the Jayhawks of “the Phog,” and the love of Darren Kent to the lust of Sherron Collins.
Kohler is currently lobbying Columbia Pictures to produce a film version of Beef, State, Love, in which he will be portrayed by either Kevin Spacey or Vin Diesel. Cameos by Bill Snyder, Frank Martin, and Jake Pullen are currently in negotiation. President Emeritus Wefald and Ron Prince will not appear.
 This book review is of a book that does not exist. But if it did, would you read it? To learn more about the inspiration for the title of the book, go here: http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/eatpraylove.htm. But do not buy her book. Buy mine. When it comes out.